Wait.. What did you say?
Yesterday, I was having lunch with my friend Dana, SHE IS INCREDIBLE.
We had not talked in a while, and we met in a biz group for women, back when I owned the Yoga Studio, lil omm.
So naturally our conversation turned to biz, how it’s going and what we are working on. She runs a very successful biz and a non profit AND has 2 kids and a great relationship with her partner.
Dana is a power house for action. It’s one of the things I adore about her.
Her organization has made it possible for EVERY WOMAN in Indiana who gets out of prison to have 5 bras as they head back into the world with $47. Now that’s some serious impact. Dana is amazing at identifying problems AND solutions that actually make a difference. I admire this so much about her.
After I told her a bit about my latest offerings and work flow and how it was impacting my family dynamics in a positive way, she said, “It’ s great that you are pulling back to make time for your family.”
And like the times when I have heard this in the past, I felt the resistance rise.
This is so triggering for me, always has been.
I think it’s my pitta nature that reacts this way.
“ So, D..” I began to tell her.
“ It’s not that. I’m not intentionally pulling back for my family. I’m doing it b/c I don’t know where I belong.”
Here’s the overview of what I went on to tell her:
I’m obsessed with human potential and possibility, stress and overwhelm in modern life and how we work with the science of thriving and reality of our lives. I read about it, teach about it, think about it and write about it probably 80% of my days. It’s what I do for FUN. And so, I know a lot about optimal environment for health, connection, vitality and creativity.
I know that currently, MOST of our organizations and corporations take a more masculine approach to work schedules, productivity, expectations, projects and bottom line. I study biz models and I teach feminine biz elements in my mentoring lab that is in alignment with how I run my own biz. Moon cycles, Intuition and Collaboration dominate my priorities.
I’ve worked in toxic environments and I mentor people who work in them.
The addiction to money, ego, resume building and power is real.
With the rise of depression, anxiety and suicide in our country, I have a lot of questions about WHY? What are we doing wrong? Why are we treating ourselves this way and What is REALLY happening here?
One organization I work with has a history of the leaders going out on a stretcher/health conditions..What kind of message does that tell me? One organization I have worked with said “we prioritize mental health” on paper and then did not with the humans it serves. One organization wanted to pay me part time for a position that was CLEARLY full time and at least was able to be honest about that. I’ve looked for ways to increase my contributions and none of them really seem to be a fit.
So, family time HAS been plentiful. I know this is a gift AND I know that I really love impact and direct services. I know that while my private mentoring, groups, podcasts and courses ARE helping people- I also know that I like to get my hands in there.
I love the contact and connection of building things.
When I created LOLA, a community for women created by women — I also had this vision. But the truth is, I don’t know if it’s sustainable to ever make it a brick and mortar space, I KNOW what that takes and I’m not sure it makes sense. As I continue to grow LOLA, I’m asking these questions about sustainability and viability- I want to know why it’s so hard to find a place to help humans that also promotes well- being for the staff/ providers.
Is this a dream I have that doesn’t exist in real life?
I study self- knowledge and self- awareness so I know a lot about how I THRIVE and what my blindspots are. I know that I have a tendency towards burn out b/c of my pitta nature ( hello adrenal fatigue and alopecia) and so I have to be mindful of this every day and do simple things to “ stop and smell the roses” which really, really helps. Side note, stop and smell the roses IS an Ayurvedic perspective for pitta imbalances and has been a powerful teaching for me to remember the SWEETNESS of life, every day.
I woke up this morning with a sense of, it’s all good.
Here’s what I wrote to myself,
P, You have a healthy biz, healthy family and people to work with today. Focus on what’s right in front of you. Trust that in time, something will unfold that feels right, that aligns and that you want to be part of. Maybe you will create it, maybe you will find it. Trust in the path and the process. It’s all learning.