Tools for The Toolbox

In-depth Guide for the “HELP! I’m freaking out!” Days & Moments Of Our Lives. Here’s a list to help you remember some of the tools you might have accessible to you. I hope this provides comfort.

Feel free to use or share when you or someone you love feels anxiety, triggered, upset, or attached to some negative juju. And of course, if you feel especially depressed or scared or in a mental health crisis reach out to a Professional for help.

Watch this video and this one.

1. R. A.I.N. Recognize what is happening. Allow the feelings to come, embrace them and NAME IT TO TAME IT. Investigate what is really going on here, what’s happening? Natural Awareness with what is happening and feel the feelings. Drop red, frenzy, high beta brain and relax into the back brain to allow for slower brain states, and access to the parts of our brain that cultivate problem solving and creativity.

2. Alignment- Get into alignment! What does that mean? Look for ways to connect to your own sources of joy. For some of us it’s music and others, it’s painting. For some of us it’s nature or laying down with our children or our pets. Alignment is embodiment of your joy. It’s often simple and accessible, when we look for it. I recommend using the senses in some way whether it be an essential oil, a soft blanket, a sound you love… My personal favorite is my Alignment Playlist on my phone and computer that I plug into when I need to relax, or take it down a notch. I love to walk around my neighborhood listening to it.

3. Ayurvedic lens- In this tool, we remember that in Ayurveda we don’t see ANYTHING as inherently good or bad, we just ask- How is this working for me? How does this help/ hurt my current season/ life? Is there something going on with my relationship to it? Can we look into the energy of the issue and identify a counter remedy that might be simple and helpful? Let’s remember Vata is Air/ Ether and relates to thoughts and movements, Pita is fire and water and involves intensity and productivity and focus while Kapha is our earthy energy that can be sticky and stagnant and heavy. For example, if we have too much movement in our mind, body, soul, life we might need to just sit quietly to help us feel better. If we have too much fire/ intensity and work or focus, we often just need some play/ sweetness to help us relax and for kaphe energy- we want to get moving to counter the heaviness that we feel.

Sometimes when I feel a lot of emotions, stress or anxiety, I try to name what Ayurvedic dosha is out of balance. For example, If I ‘m feeling like my thoughts and body is moving too fast ( VATA) , I try to rub my feet and get low to the ground for some deep breaths. If I notice that I’m intense with my words, my actions and I’m acting fiery ( Pitta) , I will find something to cool me maybe Rosewater spritz, coconut oil foot rub or arms, or drink some coconut water to cool me down. And lastly, if I’m weepy or feeling super heavy, lonely or sad ( Kapha) I will reach out to a friend and go for a walk, or move my body to sweat a little.

4. Worst -Case Scenario- We use this when we are terrified of making a decision or feel paralyzed by the next step or choice. Remember, you are ridiculously strong ( more so than you give yourself credit for) so let’s make sure to step into our power, and then name what COULD happen. Once we identify that, then we can say what do I need to handle that? Do I have the support I need? Am I afraid of the risk here for a tangible reason or is this a story I’m telling myself? In Buddhist tradition we meditate on our eulogy and end of life. We do this to practice the art of letting go of this life and those we love. We touch in with the hard stuff of life in our visualizations not to have them come true but to touch and get comfy with our pain. So much of what I teach and practice is getting comfortable with discomfort and I practice the art of letting go, a little, everyday. We think we have SO MUCH control over our lives but the truth is… there are other factors in play.

I know, this one can be really hard BUT usually our suffering comes from aversions or attachments so, if we step back and look at “okay, I’m REALLY scared right now BUT what’s the WORST thing that can happen?” And then we NAME IT TO TAME IT, our brains, our nervous systems can settle a bit to see clearly what we are afraid of. We can learn how to be not so afraid of the things we are most afraid of, just by identifying it.

5. Rampage of Appreciation- This is one of my favorites for getting out of my mind pain/ suffering that might be on a thought loop. When I feel really jammed up about my life, I sometimes just grab a piece of paper and start filling the page with all the things in my life that I authentically appreciate. They are unique to my life and situation and doing this for yourself can help you shift from negative bias into a more positive state. Our brains are like teflon to good things that happen to us and like Velcro for the bad things

6. Journal- Journaling is a healing and digesting tool that I really do encourage everyone to practice. It’s like having therapy available to you at each moment. Over time, with structure questions and curiosity, you can learn so much about yourself on those pages! I did a whole podcast episode about it. You can learn more here, episode #42. You can also learn the basics of journaling for inner work using The Artist’s Way book by Julia Cameron.

7. What if it were easy? I find myself all jammed up about something and spinning in circles, ocassionally I can stop and remember to pause and ask- WHAT IF IT WERE EASY? This is so helpful, b/c I can feel my body relax and then I can tap into trust, abundance and intuition rather than over-thinking and complicating everything. Asking this question often leads me to a great space where simplicity is the priority and shifts my mindset to a more expansive way of being so that I can move forward with what I need to OR take a nap, if that’s what I need!

8. Look for Evidence- Is it True? Psychologists use this technique so you can get in the habit of “ proving” if your thoughts are true or not. If we can remember to look for evidence, in many cases we won’t be able to find it! Often times the mind goes nutso, but the truth is that the evidence is not there to prove what we are thinking. I also use TheWork from Byron Katie. This method of asking 1. Is it True? 2. Is it REALLY true? 3. How would you feel without this thought? and 4. How can you turn this around? to be VERY powerful . There are LOADS of resources on youtube and on Katie’s site to watch this live. It’s POWERFUL.

9. Release to a trusted supporter- Sometimes, we just need to call the friend who will listen, NOT FIX and vent. Sometimes, we just need to have a walk and talk with a soul friend and connect on a deeper level. Never underestimate the power of speaking your truth and expereience to someone you love, who loves you, that can listen and just be a witness for your life. Be mindful that our relationships have different dynamics, so if you are not looking for advice and tips to make it “ all better” than chose someone who can do this listening and holding space for you. Make a list of peeps in your journal who are the listen friends, the action friends, that might help you remember who to call when the time comes.

10. Is there a gray zone? Oh man, HUMANS are hilarious! We LOVE to pretend there is only 1 way to do anything OR there are 2 ways and they fall into extremes. Guess what? You can train your brain to look for LOTS of options and answers and to get super creative with mapping your own brainstorm. I did a podcast episode on this, # 31. I LOVE using this tool regularly in my life when I find myself at a dead end that my mind has created in a binary mode. LIFE IS NOT BLACK AND WHITE, once we see there really is not a “ RIGHT” or “ WRONG” but more this choice in this moment, and then another one, we might be able to loosen the grip of fear when deciding.

11. Dig deeper, what’s the root? Usually, there are so many layers to what’s happening in the moment. Here I ask you to get real. What’s the SOCIETAL NORM playing out in the moment? At a high level, is this issue playing out in society as well? Next layer is your community, at work and at home. For example, are most people around you stressed? If so,you probably are as well- b/c emotions and energy are CONTAGIOUS. And lastly, Personal Reponsibility. Are you over working? Over stressing? Are your basic needs being met ( sleep, eat, poop) or are you contributing to the issues in your life b/c of your actions?

12. USE WOOP. You can use this evidence- based coaching tool to help create habits and to clear out your head! Wish- Outcome- Obstacle- Problem Solve it. You can learn more in this short video, here.

13. Self-compassion.org — This is a WONDERFUL resource for meditations and research on compassion from the leader in the field, Dr. Neff. We also have a free self- compassion course available, summer 2019, here. Some of our favorite tools for this to use in real life are do you talk to yourself like a trusted friend? Becoming aware of our inner critic OR inner mentor, that voice in our head. Is she kind and gentle or mean and judgmental? pay attention! We can learn to “tend and befriend” ourselves even in tough moments or when we make mistakes.

14. Positive Interventions- It’s important to know when something is just a stuck thought loop that is circling. This can be broken with a positive intervention. So, If your thoughts create your emotions which create your actions or inactions and then lead to your results. This just continues playing out over and over. So when we notice this is happening, we want to insert a positive intervention or a shift, a change in the cycle to see what may occur. For example, if the thought is “I don’t like that group of people at work, they make me feel lonely, I won’t join them for lunch b/c I don’t fit in, the result will be being alone! So a positive intervention here might be, “ I don’t like that group of people at work, But I do really like that woman in HR so I’m going to see if she wants to have lunch with me” which will shift the result of being alone and help you focus on what you do want, companionship!

16. Areas of fear.. ( this is just helpful to know)

according to the Courage Habit by Kate Swobodo

What does fear look like? Here are 4 main ways it shows up….

1. Pessimism. 2. Self Sabotage. 3. Martyrdom 4. Perfectionism

And how to get out of FEAR:

*access the body ( belly breathe!)

*listen without attachment

*reframing ( use ANY of the tools above)

• reach out and create community like LOLA!

17. Humans being Human- Sometimes, I just have to remind myself that I’m human and we experience a whole big range of emotions/ feelings and so do other humans! This helps me zoom out and honor my human-ness. I remind myself, this too, is “normal”.