Ten of Swords.
I pulled this card last night.
My eyes widened. SHIT. SHIT. I knew this was coming.
It has not always been easy, my jaw has been tight. My mind racing.
This shift has been happening since at least December.
One chapter closing. A new way of being arising. A new dawn.
Part of what I’m moving towards is being more open with my connection to intuition, spirt and source. Sharing the way I live and breathe in the world by tapping into divine guidance, as a way to guide my career and helping others do the same.
It’s not always tangible, I don’t always know what the outcomes will be, but amazing things are happening around me, all the time.
In December, I told my friend Anna, “I’m not going to plan out or map out my year goals in advance. I’m going to stay connected to my own feelings, guidance day by day and offer from the heart and see what appears in front of me and just show up every day to do the work. I’m going to follow the flow. ”
She supported me, knowing it would be very hard b/c my mind LOVES planning and goals and benchmarks and all the hits of productivity and “you did it!” that come when living this way, as I have been doing for most of my life.
In order for me to keep growing and evolving, I wanted to experiment with another way of being. Present. Moment to moment. Curious. Alive. Awake.
I know that control is a delusion, anyway.
At any moment, my whole life could change.
1 Phone call, 1 diagnosis, 1 conversation.
I’ve seen it happen around me to person after person after person and in my own life as well.
So the question has been, can I live and work and parent in a modern world without a set plan, without using the methods that have worked for so long?
Can I break away from what has worked for so long?
Can I run my biz without the clear elevator pitch of what I do?
Can I use what I know about universal principles to actually elevate my life?
I’m a few months in, here’s what I notice.
Life continues to show me possibilities and opportunities that my mind could not even imagine. Magic appears when I allow space for it to come to me. This feels like a radical and radiant way to live my life. I would not believe it if it were someone else’s life. To be honest, it’s hard to put in words or express b/c the clients that have come to me are the most amazing women that I am truly honored to help. The “ random” people I met online and in person are soul-fulling, whole- hearted humans that I get to talk to and listen to and learn from. So crazy and so good.
EVERY DAY I get notes, texts, letters, emails from women I adore who tell me about the magic in their lives. I have become a safe place for people to talk about unknown synchronicities, signs and symbols from beyond, realms that are not tangible or always sensical, manifestations and attractions that are occurring . I am HONORED to be someone that can be trusted with these scared secrets as I believe them all to be true and mysterious.
I do not claim to understand the how or the why.
There is this pulsation flowing through me that fluctuates daily between seeking and surrender, between being of this earth and of the beyond. Embodying masculine qualities of action, fire and productivity with feminine flows of trust, connection, softness and creativity. I believe that cultivating these ways of being and living and breathing are what bring meaning and purpose to my life.
I want to spend my days helping other people find this same connection.
AND, I want to be honest about my experience- as this powerful source and connection has strengthened.. I have been afraid.
I have asked my healers this year “ why does it feel so scary to tap into this power? this knowing? this strength?”
There are reasons known and unknown. For now, non of them are relevant.
The questions provide an awakening for truth.
We can be fully present and alive and have energy flowing through us AND we can feel the human emotions of love and loss, grief and sadness.
A blessing for us all:
Dear Child of the Universe who asks and seeks and loves and feels, know that you are supported in this moment and every moment. Hold to your light, your rootedness as a source of strength, a source of wonder.
All is well and always will be.
