Quietly

When reflecting on a year that has passed, I notice how quiet 40 was.

There were some major disruptions and endings and insights and surrenders.

But mostly quiet days filled with words, mine and others.

And women, learning from and sharing with.

And the woods. Lots and lots of time in the woods.

Here are the memories of a year:

I learned to trust my life and my marriage without alcohol. * See note below*

I learned that all friendships are vulnerable to ending, even the ones you think never will.

I knew that the “body keeps score” but I learned how MY body had been keeping score. Once in the fall and once in the spring, I experienced a deep energetic release of past traumas that was being stored in my body. I have exquisite healers who assisted me in this process.

Some things I did not “ LEARN” this year but I REMEMBERED:

I love to travel alone, once in a while.

I love to get up super early and write.

I write to process, digest, learn and heal.

I love humans, in real life.

Early to bed, early to rise, feels so good and has had a profound impact in all areas of my health, more than I could have known.

I am a creative, who has good biz sense. NOT a biz woman who is creative. This revelation is huge for me, b/c I know where to put my energy, time and focus in order to live a meaningful life. When I live with biz goals first ( grow the list! grow the revenue! do MORE!), not writing or creating communities, I feel restless, like something is missing. This year, I learned to prioritize my creative life over my biz and it was a huge shift in energy, my body relaxed. I can’t not write. I can’t not be with women on retreats or circles, it’s how I heal and live and learn. It also happens to be intimately related to the biz I run which provides for my life, and I’m so appreciative every day that there are other women who want to do this with me. I also noticed that this shift of priorities and perspective helped my biz reach new peeps, so that’s kind of cool. Win-Win.

The creative process, changes and flows. My connection to the divine source within me is at the heart of what I do, always. That’s how I stay connected to my own path for work and parenting and life. It will always be shifting and I want to always stay connected to the heart center, that’s what helps me remember that I don’t want to live a life just with my head or just with a plan, I want to be more courageous and more ALIVE. Living into the unknown.

There are 2 truths that I think about daily.

  1. I am moving towards menopause, so I want to honor and hone my deep nourishing relationship with my beautiful body and nature so that I can flow into the next stage of womanhood with surrender, acceptance and release. I have time to adjust and adapt and learn and integrate now, so that feels like a good way to take care of myself.
  2. This might be my last year alive. This is true for all of us really, but I think about this daily- what would I change? what am I afraid of ? What do I want them to say about me when I’m gone? AM I living in alignment with my highest self? Who do I want to forgive? How do I want to be TODAY knowing that everything could change tomorrow? Do people know they are loved? I usually think about this right before bed or right when I wake up so I can make a little plan if anything comes up in my head about actions I can take given this truth. Usually, it is another call to my Grandma, and extra smooch or I love you to my family or creating an offer for my biz that I “am not ready for.”

After doing this practice for over a year DAILY- there are very few things that come up now b/c doing this a little bit over time can create really beautiful magical alignment in your life. Try it! It has helped me get really clear on my priorities each day. Also, the whole idea that no one is on their death bed and says “ I wish I worked more. I wish I was a size 4. ”

  • * Note on the drinking- I stopped drinking in July and then took 10 moths to really examine my relationship with alcohol, which I have shared openly. I loved my life sober! It was not really that hard, some days of course, but in general- it just was not that hard. I loved how I felt each morning. I learned to trust that I CAN live a really rich, full life without alcohol. I learned that I’m not addicted to alcohol, I was in a really bad habit for a long time. I decided to let go of my rigid structure and see how it felt to have a glass of wine or a beer once in a while. It’s been lovely and fun and delicious again, and so as usual, for most humans “the NOT too tight, not TOO loose” framework, works!

As I look to the year ahead, where she will be in middle school and he will turn 8, I have never parented these age groups….. I know that if I am here again next year, sitting, writing, reflecting on my life- that I will have a handful of things that were probably pretty fabulous and a handful of things that really sucked. I know that this path of my life ( OR THEIRS) is not actually mine to map out, or hold on to but rather one in which I create my feelings and projects, relationships and daily choices in a way that honors the harmony of flow of what it means to be human, at this stage, in this season. And so it is.

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Pleasance Shamirah

Pleasance Shamirah

Elemental Healing & Trauma Resolution, Life Design, Author, Speaker, Rising Kohenet, Creatrix, Weaver, Ancestral Healing. Grief/Death Support. Community Care