Intensity As Superpower
I have been thinking alot lately about how labels and judgments from others can really do a number on us.
One of the specific ways in which I see this in my own life is with my connection to emotions, intensity and a deep desire to have authentic and conversations based in TRUTH and DEPTH.
Since I was a little girl, I loved talking with other humans about the qualities of life and I was always asking questions about how things felt or how they might want things to be different. For as long as I can remember, I have been told I am too emotional and too sensitive.
The first few semesters of college, I was a hot mess. Lost and lonely, totally disconnected from my classes or my future. I was not sure I should stay in Washington, in college or to be honest, in life. I was really drowning. I took a semester “ off” to work and to just take 2 classes part time. Shortly after that, my whole life did change.
The first time I walked into my Sociology 101 class at GW, I honestly did not even know what sociology was! HA! And the minute the Professor started talking about people and habits and patterns of groups in society and named class, race, gender issues, I WAS HOOKED. My heart started racing and my palms got sweaty and I literally skipped out of class, ran to my roommates and said “ I know what I want to study!!!” I was so very excited. I had found my thing, my path! I read the texts before assignments were due and I could not believe I had found this major that so deeply aligned with what I had been noticing myself for so long.
The times in my life where I felt the MOST uncomfortable were almost always because I was having way too many shallow, surface, material conversations. I started to notice that I never felt good when I left those experiences, I ALWAYS felt less than, not enough and agitated.
As a classroom teacher in DC, I was told to “toughen up” and “don’t let them get to you.”
But, I never wanted to be someone who “ never let them get to me” I loved how I loved my students.
When I left the classroom, I knew I had to do some soul searching for what career, path, next step -might welcome my sensitives, kindness and generosity rather than try to strip it from me.
And then, this past year, a dear friend basically said to me, “ I can remain in friendship if you take it down a notch. If you don’t ask personal deep questions and if our friendship can feel lighter and less heavy. Not so much intensity. “
And within seconds of hearing this, I knew our friendship was going to be over. I spent so much of my life hiding the intensity ( people pleasing) and feeling ashamed of my intensity, only to recognize as a 40 -something adult woman in a loving marriage and a healthy parenting dynamic that I LOVE This about myself!! I don’t have to hide my light or my expansive connection to other humans because it makes someone uncomfortable.
If everything has a beginning, middle and an end and EVERYTHING changes and shifts than I don’t have to be afraid to lovingly let some relationships go, and with compassion and blessings not anger or “ ghosting” as the kids say. I believe in the power of saying what you mean, I believe in the power of women to use voice and strength together to communicate needs, wants, desires in FULL EXPRESSION of the gifts they are given.
And my gift is intensity. Truth Seeking. Soul Diving. Heart Illuminating. The Fierce Fire of Transformation that I am here to do, see, feel, talk about and guide others through.
This has always been a place where I can write to you openly and honestly about the deepest most amazing joys and sorrows of life, so THANK YOU FOR being a witness and part of this open and authentic community. It’s SUCH a pleasure and an honor to have you here with me. And I MEAN IT.
So.. WHAT IS YOUR SUPERPOWER STORY? Where are you using your qualities and strengths in relationship? career? life? I can’t wait to hear from you.
Xo,
P.
This is the picture that has been next to my bed for 11 years!
